A middle ground between fluffy self-care and rigid self-discipline

  1. Picture an imaginary friend (with incredible leadership skills)

  2. Discover your core operating principles

  3. Practice self-compassion

Photo: Thomas Barwick/Getty Images

Now Is Not The Time to Obsess About Productivity

Slowing down might feel uncomfortable right now. That’s exactly why it’s necessary.

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Before you can improve your self-leadership skills, determine how effectively you’re leading yourself in the present. Maria Connolly, a therapist in Oregon, suggests some reflective self-assessment: In your head, build a mental picture of a strong, competent leader — someone who balances vision and results with compassion and connection. If that person were leading you through your day, what would it look like?

Cultural portrayals of self-care and self-discipline can make life seem like a choice between two extremes: You can decompress by lounging in the bubble bath with a glass of wine, or you can stay motivated by getting up at the crack of dawn ready to grind. In reality, there are plenty of people looking for ways to de-stress and push themselves on their own terms. The proverbial (or actual) bath isn’t for everyone, and some people will never be early risers.

How to Get Outside of Your Own Head

Use ‘dual awareness’ when your brain won’t let you get on with your day

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Within this framework, Connolly says, saying “no” to something you want isn’t true deprivation, but a step forward. “It’s just thinking for yourself and making a choice that brings you closer to your goals,” she says.